I discovered the undiscoverable passport situation just a couple days ago, on Wednesday October 6th, two nights before my trip. The plan at that time was to scan and email a copy of my passport to myself as a precaution in case it was lost or stolen during my trip. Ha ha smart ME!

This foresight was part of a recent decision to organize my life (and ADD brain), with the idea of freeing myself up to focus on some major life goals. A few months earlier I’d created a file for the explicit purpose safe keeping ‘travel documents.” This is where I expected to find my passport, this is where I am certain I put it after my March 2010 trip to Thailand, and this is where I first headed to retrieve said passport in preparation for scanning.

I recently read on Facebook that the best way to make God laugh, is to tell her about your plans. At least someone was laughing about this, because in addition to it not being in anywhere in the travel documents file, it wasn’t anywhere in my apartment, car, office, or even the stable where I keep my horse.

I’ll admit there have been times over the years where I’ve been amazed I haven’t lost my passport, but something about this seemed just a bit to tragically ironic to be true. On Thursday, still with no passport and with a flight about 30 hours away, I wasn’t in a panic. I figured that passport would reveal itself to me sooner rather than later if I just relaxed, kept looking, and didn’t freak out about it. Right?

But in the event I was wrong about that, I did contact the National Passport Agency, a passport expediting service, the airline, and my travel insurance provider. With the information they provided, I developed plan ‘B,’ which would involve a lot of driving, a lot of waiting in line, a lot of money, and a lot of putting myself at the mercy of the bureaucrats at the Chicago Passport Agency.

Thursday night I didn’t leave my office until 12:00 am Friday morning, and finally had to accept that the passport was NOT GOING TO REVEAL ITSELF TO ME. Reluctantly I prepared myself to hang out in Chicago getting an expedited passport instead of at the O’Hare International Terminal on my way to South America.

A quick call to Delta Airlines to change my flight turned out to a huge wake-up call regarding just how much this was going to cost. Piled on top of expedited passport costs of about $350, Delta had to get it’s share of the cut as well. Despite having several open seats on the next day’s flight, they wanted to charge me both the fare difference $300 and a change fee of $250.

Since that moment, the mishaps and misadventures conspired in such a way that my attitude, and my plans, continued on a pretty fast downward spiral. I was exhausted and spent the three hour drive to Chicago brutally slapping my own face, arms, head and neck to stay awake at the wheel. Fueled by desperation, determination, and eventually Starbucks, I made it to Chicago. On the way I hit traffic, took a wrong turn, accidentally drove through a toll, and arrived in Chicago…. late.

Lily, my personal passport expediter, assured me there was still hope, took my money and my application, and set off running to do her thing. I headed off to the City Clerk to get part of my application notarized- and where I was to become an unwilling participant in what felt like a Saturday Night Live spoof on dealing with bureaucrats. Forty-five minutes later (the amount of time it took city employee “Yolanda” to sign my form), Lily’s assistant made off for the Passport Agency with the rest of my application.

Around 5:00 p.m., with only two hours of sleep during the last 48 hours, I got the news. Expedited passport application for Lucinda M. Vette, denied. I was exhausted, I was discouraged, and when I learned that the Columbus Day holiday meant the Passport Agency was closed until Tuesday, I was mad as hell.

As soon as I checked into the expensive hotel (another $150), conveniently located at O’Hare Airport for ease of boarding the Saturday morning flight I never took- it was time for a relaxing hot soak in the tub. Within moments of stepping into the tub and turning on my brand new Kindle 3G, I immediately fell asleep and learned the hard way that Kindle’s are not waterproof ($300 mistake).

I recognize that in the realm of disasters, the highs and lows and lack of sleep over the past few days were insignificant on their face. No one died, no life had been unalterably changed for the worse. As far as I could tell no real catastrophe in the grand scheme of anything caused any ripple effect to be felt around the world. With this in mind I waited impatiently for a zen like tranquility to descend upon me… and bring with it my bloody passport, several hundred dollars and a brand new Kindle…..

The replacement passport was supposed to arrive by FedEx ($20) the morning of October 14, 2010. Up until about 3:00 p.m. on the 14th, I still entertained the crazy idea that my next blog post would be written from a lovely room at The Art House Hotel in Medellin. As of this writing it’s 6:30 p.m. No passport in site. Lily has stopped answering my calls. And I’m just about back to square one, except that I am a week older, my bank account is several hundred dollars lighter, and I have completely abandoned the idea of going to Colombia for this particular trip. Believe it or not, things are looking up.

I am reminded that life is a journey of unexpected twists and adventures. The experiences we pick up along the way can either become the baggage that weighs us down- or the luggage we utilize to carry with us the gifts and lessons life throws our way. It won’t be in Colombia next week, but I will be on vacation. And one that’s shaping up to be a surprising first step in a whole new direction.

That passport will show up one of these days. In the meantime, I’m actually kind of grateful to see I can have a good hard laugh at myself over this- and put into practice the option to focus on the doors that open instead of struggling against the ones that close.

I’d love to hear YOUR stories of plans gone awry! Did you find a way to laugh or maybe turn things around when life seems to be pulling out all the wrong punches? I’d really appreciate some company down here, so let me know I’m not the ONLY ONE!

During my run yesterday, each step felt like a hardship. My nose and eyes were running faster than I was, and my head felt like it was pressure-cooking my brain. For the first mile each step was an exercise in will power. It was HARD to keep going, and made more so because mentally, I wasn’t committed to finishing the run. At any moment was the option to walk, or stop- and so each and every time I broke a new stride, I went through the same mini decision process with myself.

‘Keep going? Yeah, don’t stop yet, you’ll be disappointed later, just keep going. This is hard, feeling so TIRED, maybe I should have stayed home. What would I be doing at home though? Writing, I could be writing a blog post. Yeah but you can still do that. In fact you will do that. It’s only a few more miles. Just keep going’….etc, etc and ad nauseum.

About 1.5 miles into this agonizing experience, it occurred to me that the options to quit or stop or even just to walk, were the most difficult thing about this run. Runners love to run, and it’s easy to be compelled to all out DO something you love, especially when that runner’s high kicks in. Or so I imagine. I’m no runner. Up until now, I always liked to run well enough- with other people, enjoying some friendly conversation or good music as we go, and slightly distracted from any intense breathing by the bucolic surroundings typical to Wisconsin, especially in May. My main goal in all this has been to train for the “Sole Burner” (or the “Slow Burn” as I’ve come to think of it) to raise money for a run to benefit cancer prevention research sponsored by The American Cancer Society.* My main goal up until now, that is.

As I dragged myself along, wheezing and debating and struggling with myself to keep going- I realized in a flash that all I had to do was say yes one time and mean it. If I quieted the internal chatterbox so intent on getting me to stop running,and eliminate the options, I would silence the struggle. In one step I committed to finishing the run regardless of any perceived or anticipated difficulty. The focus went immediately from can I do this, to other things: First I thought about my form, then I drifted to my speed, then I imagined myself getting stronger with each step, then I noticed my breathing and began to challenge myself to take longer and slower breaths in timing with my strides. Suddenly I wasn’t thinking about running – or anything at all for that matter. I was just finished. By the end of the run, my mind and my body were humming along in what felt like a perfectly balanced trance-like state- both exhilerated and peaceful at the same time. It felt like something I’ve tried to achieve through meditation, but all the song bowls, comfortable positions, candles, and guided relaxation exercises in the world- have never succeeded in helping me accomplish anything compared to what I reached through my simple commitment to yes during this run.

Almost any situation has the potential to present these yes moments- they don’t have to be huge to be impactful. A big part of me wanted to swerve off the path, grab Thai take-out, walk home and set myself up to have a Sunday night Louise Brooks marathon. The movies were waiting and it would have been completely REASONABLE choice under the circumstances. Sometimes, more often than not, the best things in life come through sticking to a good plan, doing your best, and overcoming mental obstacles rather than letting them hold you back. And while I prefer to avoid run-on cliches- when the shoes fit, and help you make your point, you might as well just wear ‘em- and in my case- keep on truckin’.

We live in a world of options upon options- EVERYTHING is a possibility. It’s easy to forget one of the most important options we have, is to simply and emphatically choose the something (or someone, or some goal, or some place…) and say YES to that choice.  Sometimes it just takes something small, like recommitting to finish a run when feeling lousy, to act as a reminder that the rewards of the world begin and end within hallowed walls of our selves.

*as a side note: The Sole Burner is a run taking place on May 8th in Appleton, WI. It is a fundraising event for the purpose of funding cancer prevention and treatment research. I am officially running in memory of my grandmother, Janet W. Vette, who passed away after a stretch with lung cancer. My mother and father are both cancer survivors. I know countless others whose lives and families have been affected by the disease. Just since asking for pledges and asking people to share their stories with me, I’ve learned of countless more. Much of my reason for doing the run is to take a moment to remember and memorialize the people I love and care for, and the people you love and care for, who have developed strength and courage and an even greater connection to life as a result of their experiences with cancer. If you care to pledge, please click here.

a walk in l.a.

My sister took this photo during her daily walk in L.A., and sent it to me Iphone to Iphone.  Our friend and erudite appreciator of all things beautiful, artistic, sexy, and ruthlessly creative- Seanie Blue, after spending a few hours in our company, started referring to us as Vette Vidi Vici. It stuck.

And so naturally when she came upon this grafitti image, it was one to be shared immediately.

For a taste of someone with the mind and heart of a giant, click here. For the magical musical vette, click here. For everything else in life, well, I hope you have sisters.

All the things we pack into a day, getting somewhere, doing something, rushing, striving, pushing, planning, and demanding that the day unfold in a certain way- that way being in the direction we’ve planned for our future. In this state of mind, every minute should be put to good use. The tao of such things isn’t always as obvious as it seems.

The other day I was on my way to a court appearance about an hour from my office. As I pulled up to a red light in a town 5o miles from my starting point, I had a momentary realization that I could not remember actually getting from point A in Oshkosh, WI to my current location at point B in Sheboygan, WI. And even though the past 75 minutes were a complete blank to me, the evidence of certain small ‘accomplishments’ lay strewn about the car all around me.

The final slurps of venti red-eye sat cradled in a cup holder along with the remains of a partially consumed breakfast sandwich on the passenger side seat. I felt full and like I could use a restroom, so pretty sure they were consumed by me during the drive.

A quick glance in the mirror confirmed my face looked pretty well put together, which indicated that the opened mascara, eye shadow, and lip gloss had certainly been put to good use by me during the drive as well.

Finally, a swipe of my Iphone showed all five email in-boxes to be empty, Tweetdeck was clear of new messages, and Facebook updates all seemed familiar, and even my status confirmed I was ‘driving to court… again’.

As the light changed to green and I shifted my manual Civic slowly into gear, I had to steer with my knee so I could dig through my client’s file, grab a document, and refresh my memory on a few things before court. Maybe I didn’t remember much from the drive, but as all appearances would indicate, it had been quite productive.

Or, was it?

According to a recent NYT piece on the subject, I might have THOUGHT I was multitasking. But unless I am a member of a tiny subset of multitasking superheros (not likely) I was simply treading in sea of disarrayed thoughts, distracted and disconnected from any one thing. Hmmm, this might explain my 75 minute memory loss.

The irony for me, and the thing that reinforces for me that life is truly a process of small realizations on the way to… being right here right now, is that I’ve spent over two years working with a mentor / coach in ‘treatment’ for what has been labeled binge eating disorder. Perhaps ten percent of the coaching focused directly on food and eating, the majority of our time and the central focus of my life over the past two plus years has been learning (and then choosing) to live consciously and with awareness of my thoughts, feelings, actions.

The beauty of developing this kind of awareness and connection is that the world opens up -  mundane becomes interesting, fear becomes exhileration, nothing seems to important- and yet everything is an essential opportunity to dig deeper and learn more. The overwhelming truth of this is to realize, and begin to undo, all the many, many…. many distractions and attachments- and attachment to distractions- that over the years we quietly use to create a shield of unconsciousness.

The most obvious for me was food. I ate, I binged, I hated myself for it, and then did it all again. No amount of self discipline could stop me for long- the more I tried the more I focused on food and eating. What the mind believes, the body will follow.  And mine was no exception. My weight and my confidence ebbed and flowed over the years more times than I can remember. I was trapped and didn’t know how to get out- but then again, I was following a map that lead nowhere.

Somehow I did find Ellen Shuman, the coach and mentor who spent two years helping me peel back the layers of my own private hell to uncover a world I’d never considered before. Getting past binge eating there were so many more distractions, and to be honest I still keep finding them (ahem, see driving story above). Depending on how we engage in something, anything and eveything  has the potential to be an unhealthy distraction that prevents us from being connected to the present moment. For me there were things like shopping, the Internet, work, not liking my work, working out, relationships, not liking my relationships, boredom (oh that’s a big one), procrastination, television, and the list goes on.

Don’t misunderstand, I still do many of the things that I once used as distractions. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that from an outsider’s perspective my life looks very much like it did 2.5 years ago. I’m a fair bit  trimmer, I definitely don’t obsess about my weight or judge my worth by my girth, (actually, I don’t judge other people that way anymore either), the beautiful 42″ plasma television on my wall makes a nice minamilist art piece but hasn’t received any channels in months, I smile more and don’t get upset about things, and you won’t find me complaining about my job or feeling that I am anything but the creator of my own life. These things are mostly  internal changes that have completely transformed my life. Perhaps not in the way I expected when Ellen and I began this journey, but in ways one could never anticipate without going through the experience.

Multitasking might seem like a small thing, but If I choose to drive distractedly, it’s not much different than pulling over to order a bucket of Kentucky Fried and eating the whole thing in one sitting. (you can insert your own poison here as well) Now that I am aware of my multitasking while driving and see what it means to my state of mind and quality of life in the bigger picture, the switch away from it is easy. But I’ll be the first to admit that no amount of scare tactics and statistics, nor even simple common sense about the dangers of driving while distracted, could overcome the urge and compulsion I used to experience telling me to ‘get stuff done’ while I drive.

Awareness and the choice to live consciously are the only things that bring change.  I want to be conscious, I want to be present, I want experience everything life has to offer. When I drive and feel bored, frustrated, antsy, nervous, excited, hungry, happy sad whatever- I welcome these things, sit back, remember to breath, and then just observe myself experiencing the moment. This too shall pass,’ it always does, and invariably awareness of anything transforms into a sense of pure connection and joy- and from this some of the best ideas flow.

Are you aware of any distractions in your life? I would love to hear what other people experience, and your thoughts on self-discipline versus consciousness, multitasking- and anything else you have to share!

Jump ahead 25 years or so, and it doesn’t seem surprising that immediately upon graduating from university I packed a bag, found a home for my horse, and moved to Spain without a concern in the world. I lived there happily, working under the table for the Spanish Military (the irony of working illegally for the Spanish government was lost on me until years later).

That was 1992, and I imagine Tim Ferris must have been running his own version of  a lemonade stand at the time, some sort of neighborhood franchise I suspect . I say this with reverence and respect for someone who seems to have taken an old idea, (escaping the 9 – 5 grind, freedom, mobility, a life of adventure and interest) added a few flourishes and probably some improvements, named it, packaged it, marketed it, and sold it to the masses, freeing himself to make money work for him, and starting nothing less than a social movement in the process!

After Spain, there was living in Slovakia, followed by law school, a couple spells in London, Africa, Asia…. the list of places and adventures gets lost as time goes by, and life and responsibilities take their place in the memory fields of my brain.

But what about now? Here I am, a lawyer living in a small mid-western town for the past 8 years. Property owner, responsible for two cats and a horse, people rely on me, things demand my attention, family wants me around, parents want grandchildren, my 401K sends reminders each month that one day I’ll be OLD, the daily routine fills me with a sense of being busy- between clients, being a volunteer, working out, riding my horse, maintaining friendships, spending time with family, caring for my properties, and all the details of running a life- its easy enough to ignore the sense of dis-ease that has crept intothe daily practice of living. Don’t get me wrong – I love my job, I love my friends, I love my horse, I love my family. It’s all very good, very safe, and very secure. And perhaps therein lies the conundrum.

Sometimes I miss the life I had. Sure it involved a few stresses- out smarting customs isn’t as exciting as it sounds after a while- but there was something life affirming and exhilarating about a state of mind that allowed me to pick up and follow my heart on a whim. Move to Spain? Sure! Hitch hike to Paris? Hell yes! Fight off baboons during a trip down the Orange River where days earlier we’d lost all our fresh water supplies? Whatever it takes! Party with George Clooney at Charlie’s Pub in Bratislava… again? Well, that really was a no brainer.

2010 brings with it a few new missions, and an over-riding sense of purpose. This is a year of transformation or at least of waking up, the year I give my all to have it all. Somewhere between my former life of nomadic world wandering and my current life of self-imposed, playing it safe, mid-western groundedness (quirky, funny, and wonderfully odd as that is) lies the perfect lifestyle re-design. I don’t have worked out all the hows or the whats. I just know that a big part of the answer is YES.

If you had full creative license to have your dream life, what would you do? Maybe you’ve already figured it out and can share some inspiration. Whatever your thoughts, please write and let me know!